If you want to become a great leader and gain the capacity to connect with your team at a deep level you need to listen in ways that leave the other person feeling fully understood. The next sustainable competitive edge for individuals and for organizations lies in the area of human connectivity. This is neither a naive notion nor a “soft skill”. It’s good business and it is essential in all organizations. The key skill for connecting is asking great questions.
A client in the high tech industry recently told me about a VP who lost the trust of his team. What happened is that this individual simply would not listen to his team and their feedback. The rare times he asked questions team members saw a “deer in the headlight look”, and then he would respond with talking and more talking. In essence, he was only interested in driving his own agenda. He didn’t listen. When others were speaking all he was doing was forming his own thoughts. When interviewing team members they said, “If he had only taken more up front time to talk with us, to listen to us, he would have discovered what it takes to be successful here.”
I can only imagine the sinking sensation of the executive when he lost his job. You can’t lead a team if you have lost their trust. This executive did not understand – at a deep level – about the wants, needs, and concerns of the organization he was in or the people he was leading. What’s interesting to me is poor listening isn’t an uncommon experience. A key skill for any leader is to connect with team members. But how? Memorizing the interests of team members may score you some initial points, but in the long term only by building authentic trust can you create a high performance team.
To achieve deep understanding, to really listen to others you need to place 100% of your attention on them. To effectively listen, to build trust and rapport you also need to ask great questions. It is an easy thing to do if you can remember the following three steps.
The first step in our model is to set the context. To identify the overall context begin with the question, “What is the most important thing you and I should talk about today?” This question makes sure you are in the ballpark with this person. “Why are we talking today?”
The second step is to find out what they want. You want to find out their desires for the future. Ask:
“What is it you’re looking for?”
“What are your goals?”
“What are your intentions for the future?”
“What would having this do for you?”
The third step is to find out where they are at right now. Ask:
“Where are the challenges?”
“What is/has been getting in your way?”
“What is the biggest issue you are facing?”
“How are these issues impacting you?”
This is fairly easy and yet you’d be amazed how few people get these three perspectives up and on the table in a conversation. If you ask great questions you will effectively demonstrate your ability to listen. This is a conversational Swiss Army knife you can carry with you at all times!
